Isn't it funny how you've decided that your life will be one way and then a year later it's completely different than you ever imagined. A year ago I was newly engaged about this time. I thought I had life all figured out (As if anyone ever really does). I was positive of what I wanted my life to become. I thought I had everything that I had ever wanted and dreamed about. Most importantly I was convinced that I knew what the rest of my life was going to consist of, and I was ok with it. Now I look back and am not sure how I was willing to compromise in the areas I was forced to.
Over the last 8 months I've realized it's not healthy to want to be someone's saving grace. To want to be the reason why they choose to change. Over the past 8 months I've realized what a dysfunctional relationship does to the people in it. The repercussions are not short lived. They are things you bring to the table in a new relationship. Sometimes it makes it so difficult, the baggage that we carry with us from the past. It's frequent that I find myself wishing I could change the past or do things differently. But what would I have learned then? How would I have ever been prepared for a person to walk into my life who I can truly be myself with. Because that's all any of us want, is to be accepted for who we are. And let's be honest, I'm a whole lot of crazy, and it takes someone equally as crazy to enjoy life as much as I do.
I wouldn't trade this past year of my life for anything. I have grown more this past year than I ever thought possible. I've found that I am capable of great things, and sometimes very scary things. This beautiful life has emerged from all the trials and heartache. The best part is I have gained the best friend I could have ever asked for who accepts me and all my crazy. It truly is a beautiful life sometimes you just have to squint through the hard times to see it.
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
I'm sorry...
I'm sorry. I never meant to rub it in your face that I have moved on. I hope that one day you can figure out how to move on. Everything happens for a reason. I am grateful that you were apart of my life, you taught me so much about who I am and the type of relationship that I want. But holding onto the past does not allow you to move on. I'm so incredibly happy and have truly found the most amazing person I could have ever asked for. One day you will find that, but don't give up. Keep moving forward, and try to move on.
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Kindness.
The Voice
There is a voice inside of you
That whispers all day long,
"I feel that this is right for me,
I know that this is wrong."
No teacher, preacher, parent, friend
Or wise man can decide
What's right for you-just listen to
The voice that speaks inside
Recently I've been struggling with people's opinions of me. A friend of mine recently posted this poem of Shel Silversteins' and it really struck me. I'm definitely the type of person who dances to the beat of my own drum. Rarely do I care about what people think of me, however sometimes I get caught up in thinking they're right. But the truth is no one knows who I am or what I'm personally dealing with in my life. No one except for myself can tell me what is right or wrong for me. Equally, in turn I cannot do that for any other person, and I try not to. I do not claim to be perfect, and I do not expect the people around me to be perfect. I know people make mistakes and say things they shouldn't, all I can do is forgive and learn to be a little better myself. I'm so very grateful for my family and my friends and all the amazing things they do for me.
I think we all just need to be a little kinder to each other and whole lot more loving. Especially in these days of cyber bullying, when one person posts something and is completely attacked. It's okay to have a different opinion or outlook on life than someone else, but that doesn't make them any less of a person. It definitely doesn't make them any less in need of love and kindness. I my self need to adhere to this just as much as everyone else. I'm just so sadden by the constant hate and discontent being spread. It doesn't have to be this way, we can make and change and be the change. This is going to be my new goal in life, to just be a little kinder, a little less judgmental, and a little more loving. We are all different, that's the beauty of this life.
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Excuse me?! I ordered the bed of roses package....
Well, not everything always works out. Sometimes we don't get what we want in life. Although, often times what we thought we wanted really wasn't what we wanted at all. The last three months of my life have been an honest struggle. Although there were many happy moments, I feel like the bad often outweighed the good. No matter how hard I tried or how much I gave, it was never enough. I've felt defeated, crushed, depressed, heart-broken, angry, and many other sad adjectives. I've literally given my all, everything I had. I don't think there is strength in hanging on to a relationship that the other person clearly wants to have nothing to do with anymore. It's sad. But sometimes the only strength is in walking away. I deserve to be a priority in someones life. A person that comes before five siblings, their spouses and two parents, not after. I deserve to have a significant other who will stand up for me. I deserve a partner who sees me as an equal, and is willing to walk through life by my side.
Needless to say, I'm no longer getting married and I'm okay with that. In fact I think making the decision to walk away only made me a better person. All I want to do in this life is help people and progress myself. I wasn't progressing anymore, and on top of that I think I was losing myself in trying to make a relationship (that would never work) work. I deserve more. So here's to new adventures. Also, I have to say how grateful and blessed I am to have so many people who love and care about me. I appreciate everything that everyone has done for me. You are all amazing.
Needless to say, I'm no longer getting married and I'm okay with that. In fact I think making the decision to walk away only made me a better person. All I want to do in this life is help people and progress myself. I wasn't progressing anymore, and on top of that I think I was losing myself in trying to make a relationship (that would never work) work. I deserve more. So here's to new adventures. Also, I have to say how grateful and blessed I am to have so many people who love and care about me. I appreciate everything that everyone has done for me. You are all amazing.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Sometimes we have to say hard things. This is one of those times.
Over two years ago was my last post. I guess I kind of gave up on the whole "blogging" thing. I came to find it tedious and over popular. I also didn't imagine people would actually want to read my thoughts. But, tonight I have something to say. Something that I've been prompted repeatedly over the last two weeks to share. Why? I have no idea. I just pray those that read this are kind. Please do not pity me, that's not why I'm writing this. Also I hope that those that read this will have an open mind and not judge me (or those who are apart of my story) too harshly.
Alright, this is definitely not something that is easy to write. But as I sat in relief society on Sunday and was prompted to share my story, I realized it would be much harder to actually say. So here I am, writing. I hope this helps someone. I feel like this is something that needs to be more widely talked about, and not something that people should be made to feel ashamed about. All I want to do in this life is make women realize their importance, beauty, and self worth.
So here it goes, on July 18, 2014 I was driving to Utah for my best friends wedding. I was dating David and was really unsure of everything. Somewhere around Malad I received this overwhelming confirmation of my prayers that he is my person. The person I should marry and continue through to eternity with. During the next 24 hours life seemed to take a turn for the worst. I let my pride get in the way, and because I wasn't getting exactly what I wanted I became angry. I didn't want to work things out I wanted to take the easy way out. I just wanted to be done. I think part of me thought that somehow the grass was going to be greener on the other side. I ended things, and told him I didn't want to be apart of his life anymore.Even though I received an answer of what I should do and what path I should take I went against it. I wanted to be selfish.
Over the next couple of weeks I started a Tinder account and tried to have my friends set me up on blind dates. While I talked to several guys, nothing ever seemed to stick or actually happen. Until the evening of August 9th.I had been talking to this guy since I started Tinder, and I decided to just invite him to come to the drive in with me and my friend that evening. A few hours before we were supposed to meet, my friend bailed. I wasn't overly concerned, because the guy was mutual friends with one of my ex boyfriends so I was sure it was safe. As the time got closer to meet up I got sick to my stomach. I played it off as nerves, it was my first date after breaking up with David, and continued on with the plan. Even after meeting the guy it still didn't feel right. But I ignored it. I ignored a prompting. But at the time, I thought it was just me overreacting. I look back now and see all the signs and promptings I was given during that time that I just simply ignored. I was so prideful, hurt and selfish that I didn't heed the warnings that were right in front of me. Even though I no longer blame myself for what happened that night, it still upsets me to know that I could have prevented it just by listening. Listening to the prompting I had received almost a month earlier, or any of the ones leading up to that day. But I didn't and that night I was raped.
This is definitely not something I would share with the general public, because it is something so very personal. But I've also felt over the past 10 months that I'm trying to hid something because I'm ashamed. While there was a great amount of time while I was ashamed, I'm not anymore, and I don't feel that I should be. Of course there still is some hurt there, and I'm not sure it will ever go away. But knowing how many people this affects it pains me that I was unaware of the large number of people that this has happened to. The amount of people who feel alone and that no one understands and that no one will ever understand. But there are people who understand and there are people who can help. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened to me, but the first time I covered it up, and pretended like it didn't happen. This caused many emotional problems in my life for years. I chose to suffer alone, I didn't have to. On August 10th I reached out to a very choice friend, well two actually. And the support and love they showed me was humbling. I only wish that I can do the same for someone else as what they did for me. While I choose to learn to adhere to promptings the hard way, God was still there for me, He didn't leave me. He sent people into my life to help.
Some lessons I've learned since last year are that when I have a bad feeling about something, typically that's God trying to tell me something, and I should listen, no matter what I want. Sometimes promptings are small and sometimes they are completely overcoming. Sometimes it takes effort to look at yourself and change things when you get an answer to a prayer. Putting in effort never put anyone further behind in life. Lastly, I learned it's ok, and it's going to be ok. All I need to do is put my trust in the Lord and He will help me through anything.
Alright, this is definitely not something that is easy to write. But as I sat in relief society on Sunday and was prompted to share my story, I realized it would be much harder to actually say. So here I am, writing. I hope this helps someone. I feel like this is something that needs to be more widely talked about, and not something that people should be made to feel ashamed about. All I want to do in this life is make women realize their importance, beauty, and self worth.
So here it goes, on July 18, 2014 I was driving to Utah for my best friends wedding. I was dating David and was really unsure of everything. Somewhere around Malad I received this overwhelming confirmation of my prayers that he is my person. The person I should marry and continue through to eternity with. During the next 24 hours life seemed to take a turn for the worst. I let my pride get in the way, and because I wasn't getting exactly what I wanted I became angry. I didn't want to work things out I wanted to take the easy way out. I just wanted to be done. I think part of me thought that somehow the grass was going to be greener on the other side. I ended things, and told him I didn't want to be apart of his life anymore.Even though I received an answer of what I should do and what path I should take I went against it. I wanted to be selfish.
Over the next couple of weeks I started a Tinder account and tried to have my friends set me up on blind dates. While I talked to several guys, nothing ever seemed to stick or actually happen. Until the evening of August 9th.I had been talking to this guy since I started Tinder, and I decided to just invite him to come to the drive in with me and my friend that evening. A few hours before we were supposed to meet, my friend bailed. I wasn't overly concerned, because the guy was mutual friends with one of my ex boyfriends so I was sure it was safe. As the time got closer to meet up I got sick to my stomach. I played it off as nerves, it was my first date after breaking up with David, and continued on with the plan. Even after meeting the guy it still didn't feel right. But I ignored it. I ignored a prompting. But at the time, I thought it was just me overreacting. I look back now and see all the signs and promptings I was given during that time that I just simply ignored. I was so prideful, hurt and selfish that I didn't heed the warnings that were right in front of me. Even though I no longer blame myself for what happened that night, it still upsets me to know that I could have prevented it just by listening. Listening to the prompting I had received almost a month earlier, or any of the ones leading up to that day. But I didn't and that night I was raped.
This is definitely not something I would share with the general public, because it is something so very personal. But I've also felt over the past 10 months that I'm trying to hid something because I'm ashamed. While there was a great amount of time while I was ashamed, I'm not anymore, and I don't feel that I should be. Of course there still is some hurt there, and I'm not sure it will ever go away. But knowing how many people this affects it pains me that I was unaware of the large number of people that this has happened to. The amount of people who feel alone and that no one understands and that no one will ever understand. But there are people who understand and there are people who can help. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened to me, but the first time I covered it up, and pretended like it didn't happen. This caused many emotional problems in my life for years. I chose to suffer alone, I didn't have to. On August 10th I reached out to a very choice friend, well two actually. And the support and love they showed me was humbling. I only wish that I can do the same for someone else as what they did for me. While I choose to learn to adhere to promptings the hard way, God was still there for me, He didn't leave me. He sent people into my life to help.
Some lessons I've learned since last year are that when I have a bad feeling about something, typically that's God trying to tell me something, and I should listen, no matter what I want. Sometimes promptings are small and sometimes they are completely overcoming. Sometimes it takes effort to look at yourself and change things when you get an answer to a prayer. Putting in effort never put anyone further behind in life. Lastly, I learned it's ok, and it's going to be ok. All I need to do is put my trust in the Lord and He will help me through anything.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Learn to have a little bit of trust
If this is redemption, why do I bother at all
There's nothing to mention, and nothing has changed
Still I'd rather be working at something, than praying for the rain
So I wander on, till someone else is saved
I moved to the coast, under a mountain
Swam in the ocean, slept on my own
At dawn I would watch the sun cut ribbons through the bay
I'd remember all the things my mother wrote
That we don't eat until your father's at the table
We don't drink until the devil's turned to dust
Never once has any man I've met been able to love
So if I were you, I'd have a little trust
Two thousand years, I've been in that water
Two thousand years, sunk like a stone
Desperately reaching for nets
That the fishermen have thrown
Trying to find, a little bit of hope
Me I was holding, all of my secrets soft and hid
Pages were folded, then there was nothing at all
So if in the future I might need myself a savior
I'll remember what was written on that wall
That we don't eat until your father's at the table
We don't drink until the devil's turned to dust
Never once has any man I've met been able to love
So if I were you, I'd have a little trust
Am I an honest man and true
Have i been good to you at all
Oh I'm so tired of playing these games
We'd just be running down
The same old lines, the same old stories of
Breathless trains and, worn down glories
Houses burning, worlds that turn on their own
So we don't eat until your father's at the table
We don't drink until the devil's turned to dust
Never once has any man I've met been able to love
So if I were you my friend, I'd learn to have just a little bit of trust
There's nothing to mention, and nothing has changed
Still I'd rather be working at something, than praying for the rain
So I wander on, till someone else is saved
I moved to the coast, under a mountain
Swam in the ocean, slept on my own
At dawn I would watch the sun cut ribbons through the bay
I'd remember all the things my mother wrote
That we don't eat until your father's at the table
We don't drink until the devil's turned to dust
Never once has any man I've met been able to love
So if I were you, I'd have a little trust
Two thousand years, I've been in that water
Two thousand years, sunk like a stone
Desperately reaching for nets
That the fishermen have thrown
Trying to find, a little bit of hope
Me I was holding, all of my secrets soft and hid
Pages were folded, then there was nothing at all
So if in the future I might need myself a savior
I'll remember what was written on that wall
That we don't eat until your father's at the table
We don't drink until the devil's turned to dust
Never once has any man I've met been able to love
So if I were you, I'd have a little trust
Am I an honest man and true
Have i been good to you at all
Oh I'm so tired of playing these games
We'd just be running down
The same old lines, the same old stories of
Breathless trains and, worn down glories
Houses burning, worlds that turn on their own
So we don't eat until your father's at the table
We don't drink until the devil's turned to dust
Never once has any man I've met been able to love
So if I were you my friend, I'd learn to have just a little bit of trust
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Who We Are
The Media lies. We are who we are. Embrace it. Don't be ashamed because you're not like someone else. It's good to be alive. Love it.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
oh life....
Life is crazy right now. My room is a disaster. Men drive me crazy. Nothing new right? Well, except I did get promoted, got a raise, saw two of my bestest friends and old roommates, went to an amazing concert, hit up the eastern Idaho state fair, went on a couple awkward dates, drove lots, starting school again, decided where I wanna move to in May, became lucky all of a sudden, fell in love with Gourmandise and Paradise Bakery (that's right not in love with men but in love with food.). Alright, so a lot has changed, and I'm sure it will continue to change. I'm just grateful I have the most amazing family, friends, co-workers, and roommates (previous and present) who help me deal, cope, indulge and experience it all with! I'll leave you with some awesome music :)
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Tossed along...
***Warning this is a tad bit lengthy and I'm definitely on a soap box, but it is my opinion.***
I feel as though I'm a boat on the sea with no anchor, mast, or compass. I have no idea where I'm going, what it is I'm going after, where I want to be, and how to get there. That may be a tad bit over dramatic. Because I do know generally what I want. I want to make people happy. Specifically women, I want women to be happy with themselves. Instead of them racing towards some ideal "happiness" that the media leads us to believe is the perfect body, perfect teeth, perfect hair, etc. I feel like the area where this is the biggest problem is the Idaho/Utah region. Why you ask? Because somewhere along the lines the large quantity of LDS people in this region have confused seeking towards a spiritual perfection with seeking towards a worldly perfection. (even if you are one who seeks towards that worldly perfection, you do not have to force others into seeking after that same "happiness". There are those of us who have different ideals, but still have them same standards.) So instead of lending a helping hand to those who are less fortunate or feel down about themselves, we tend to judge them. Because they don't wear the brands we do, they don't have perfectly manicured fingernails, they aren't tall, blonde and tan; I think you get the idea. That's why in living here I have become so down on myself. Because I do dance to the beat of a different drum than most around these parts.
I'm 22, single(I know SHOCKER), LDS, I despise harry potter, twilight and the hunger games(I find a lot of the ideals in them to be against what I believe, I know once again SHOCKING, I'm not saying you're wrong for liking them, I just choose to stay away from such media.), some of my favorite movies entail horton hears a who, the lorax (movies that teach a good moral). I have no idea what I want my profession to be and I'm not in a huge rush to figure it out (I have explored many an avenue and am not going to stop till I figure out what it is I want to do, no I'm not just going to get a degree in something I'm not going to use, because I plan on being a mommy and not working). I try my hardest to treat all those I come into contact with kindness and respect. I use manners, I say "thank you" and "you're welcome". I smile at others. Very rarely is this kindness returned while at work and out in public. I can't stand it anymore. How hard is it to be kind? I know there are many parts of my life where I can improve in being kind, especially with my family. But I try every day to leave a good impact on those I have come into contact with. I used to hide in the when it came to men treating women with little to no respect, I refuse to do this anymore. I have seen men push the lines in my own life and in my close friends. While as women, we probably shouldn't have been in the situation we were in, we still deserve the respect and kindness to be listened to and revered when we say no. We should not feel bad about ourselves, mentally, physically, or emotionally. We do not deserve to be taken for granted from anyone, men, women, friends, parents, children, and even ourselves.
Once again I am not writing this to offend anyone and the choices you have made in life, we are different, but I do want to cause you to think. How are you looking at others and the choices they have made? Maybe before opening your mouth you should look in the mirror. I know, you feel everyone should have the same ideals as you, but that's why God created this world so we could come down here live, learn and make choices for ourselves. So that person who chooses to cover their body in tattoos isn't a bad person, they just sin differently than you. They don't see those tattoos as a bad thing, they are just showing their personality, and often times showing tribute to a loved one. So while you find it distasteful, you should probably keep your comments to yourself, because I am sure that person could find something just as distasteful about you.
I know we've all heard don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. Even then we still have no idea what they have been through, and have no room to judge them. Most people I know suffer in silence, including myself. You have no idea what someone is going through, so please just love. Help instead of hinder. I know I have plenty of room to grow in this area myself. I need to be so much better at evoking a Christ-like love for others instead of condemning and judging. I challenge you to do the same. The first place to start? In your bathroom mirror. You only judges others so harshly because of your own feelings of incompetency. Work on loving yourself, not holding yourself up to some false ideal of what perfection really is. You are beautiful, you really are, embrace it. I know we've all heard the phrase "No one will love you, if you don't love yourself first" while I don't believe this at all I do believe when when it comes to our judgements it's true. If you don't first have the respect for yourself you will never have respect for others.
I feel as though I'm a boat on the sea with no anchor, mast, or compass. I have no idea where I'm going, what it is I'm going after, where I want to be, and how to get there. That may be a tad bit over dramatic. Because I do know generally what I want. I want to make people happy. Specifically women, I want women to be happy with themselves. Instead of them racing towards some ideal "happiness" that the media leads us to believe is the perfect body, perfect teeth, perfect hair, etc. I feel like the area where this is the biggest problem is the Idaho/Utah region. Why you ask? Because somewhere along the lines the large quantity of LDS people in this region have confused seeking towards a spiritual perfection with seeking towards a worldly perfection. (even if you are one who seeks towards that worldly perfection, you do not have to force others into seeking after that same "happiness". There are those of us who have different ideals, but still have them same standards.) So instead of lending a helping hand to those who are less fortunate or feel down about themselves, we tend to judge them. Because they don't wear the brands we do, they don't have perfectly manicured fingernails, they aren't tall, blonde and tan; I think you get the idea. That's why in living here I have become so down on myself. Because I do dance to the beat of a different drum than most around these parts.
I'm 22, single(I know SHOCKER), LDS, I despise harry potter, twilight and the hunger games(I find a lot of the ideals in them to be against what I believe, I know once again SHOCKING, I'm not saying you're wrong for liking them, I just choose to stay away from such media.), some of my favorite movies entail horton hears a who, the lorax (movies that teach a good moral). I have no idea what I want my profession to be and I'm not in a huge rush to figure it out (I have explored many an avenue and am not going to stop till I figure out what it is I want to do, no I'm not just going to get a degree in something I'm not going to use, because I plan on being a mommy and not working). I try my hardest to treat all those I come into contact with kindness and respect. I use manners, I say "thank you" and "you're welcome". I smile at others. Very rarely is this kindness returned while at work and out in public. I can't stand it anymore. How hard is it to be kind? I know there are many parts of my life where I can improve in being kind, especially with my family. But I try every day to leave a good impact on those I have come into contact with. I used to hide in the when it came to men treating women with little to no respect, I refuse to do this anymore. I have seen men push the lines in my own life and in my close friends. While as women, we probably shouldn't have been in the situation we were in, we still deserve the respect and kindness to be listened to and revered when we say no. We should not feel bad about ourselves, mentally, physically, or emotionally. We do not deserve to be taken for granted from anyone, men, women, friends, parents, children, and even ourselves.
Once again I am not writing this to offend anyone and the choices you have made in life, we are different, but I do want to cause you to think. How are you looking at others and the choices they have made? Maybe before opening your mouth you should look in the mirror. I know, you feel everyone should have the same ideals as you, but that's why God created this world so we could come down here live, learn and make choices for ourselves. So that person who chooses to cover their body in tattoos isn't a bad person, they just sin differently than you. They don't see those tattoos as a bad thing, they are just showing their personality, and often times showing tribute to a loved one. So while you find it distasteful, you should probably keep your comments to yourself, because I am sure that person could find something just as distasteful about you.
I know we've all heard don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. Even then we still have no idea what they have been through, and have no room to judge them. Most people I know suffer in silence, including myself. You have no idea what someone is going through, so please just love. Help instead of hinder. I know I have plenty of room to grow in this area myself. I need to be so much better at evoking a Christ-like love for others instead of condemning and judging. I challenge you to do the same. The first place to start? In your bathroom mirror. You only judges others so harshly because of your own feelings of incompetency. Work on loving yourself, not holding yourself up to some false ideal of what perfection really is. You are beautiful, you really are, embrace it. I know we've all heard the phrase "No one will love you, if you don't love yourself first" while I don't believe this at all I do believe when when it comes to our judgements it's true. If you don't first have the respect for yourself you will never have respect for others.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Courage
I wrote this last night, but didn't have the courage to post it, because I feared who would read it. Now, after hours of talking, crying and listening I realize maybe it's something people should know. It's not something that defines me, or makes me a bad person, it is simply just something that happened to me. And like I wrote I WANT to help people and I feel through this journey of healing that maybe I will be able to help someone else. If I do nothing else in this life but to help one soul, that will be enough.
Courage: the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.
Courage is something I feel that I lack a majority of the time. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart and deals with emotions I like to bury down deep. In my hour long phone call at 2 in the morning last night I realize, maybe in this case it's something I need to have. Because Trev pointed out so plainly that this is something I will never heal from unless I deal with it. I can hide it away, and pretend like I'm okay but I never really will be. That terrifies me just as much as admitting what happened to me. I don't know that I can do it. But I don't know that I can survive it if I don't. I need help but I'm too proud and embarrassed to reach out for it. Trev said I can't help others emotionally if I am not willing to help myself and fix myself emotionally. There is nothing I want more.
Courage: the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.
Courage is something I feel that I lack a majority of the time. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart and deals with emotions I like to bury down deep. In my hour long phone call at 2 in the morning last night I realize, maybe in this case it's something I need to have. Because Trev pointed out so plainly that this is something I will never heal from unless I deal with it. I can hide it away, and pretend like I'm okay but I never really will be. That terrifies me just as much as admitting what happened to me. I don't know that I can do it. But I don't know that I can survive it if I don't. I need help but I'm too proud and embarrassed to reach out for it. Trev said I can't help others emotionally if I am not willing to help myself and fix myself emotionally. There is nothing I want more.
Friday, July 20, 2012
yes, I'm obsessed. Deal with it.
Ok so youtube...it's like my favorite thing EVER! Cuz I can find all these awesome new songs and artists! Which I just LOVE! So this guy...basically amazing, and his collabs with Jess Mosskaluke...EVEN BETTER! So here are a couple of my favorites! :)
Ok, but I have other favorite's I'm gonna share of Jess Moskaluke's!
In case you couldn't tell...this is my favorite song! The melody and the lyrics are amazing and when good singers are performing it, I can't help but swoon :)
Ok, but I have other favorite's I'm gonna share of Jess Moskaluke's!
In case you couldn't tell...this is my favorite song! The melody and the lyrics are amazing and when good singers are performing it, I can't help but swoon :)
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Monday, July 16, 2012
Sometimes
Sometimes, I hate being an adult. I just wanna be a little kid again, with no responsibilities. I want to have a nap time, and play outside all day. Sometimes, I feel like I can't handle being an adult. I feel so lost and confused. I feel as though the waves are crashing over me and I am starting to loose sight of the shore. Sometimes, I panic, because I don't know what to do, who to turn to or where to go. Life is easier as a child, and sometimes I just want to go back.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Saturday, July 7, 2012
I do love my life
Isn't it crazy how drastically and quickly life changes?? But I am so grateful for all the changes and challenges I have thrown my way. I had the greatest holiday!....which was then followed by two days of being horribly sick. It has been a time since I have been this sick. My holiday started out on Sunday when I went for a 8 mile hike in flip flops...and came home with horrible blisters. Needless to say, I WON'T EVER be doing that again. But my great boyfriend(even though he forewarned me) took care of me the best he could. Here are pictures of the lake we hiked up to, and swam in. It really was a gorgeous hike, and a beautiful spot.
Once we finally made it home I offered to make dinner, which he actually ended up making. The next day I had to work, which was miserable on my feet. But I made it through. Then after I made dinner to make up for not making dinner the night before, and to nourish the man since he had to do the hike again because he left his keys at the lake at the top. The next day was the 3rd and we had Chinese for dinner and went to the Kansas concert and fireworks with his family here in Logan. It was so much fun! The fireworks were way better than I thought they would be!
The next morning we left early to head to Idaho. Where I got my car fixed thanks to my wonderful dad. We went and got baseball tickets, lunch and enjoyed a little sunshine at the park :) This is us at my favorite park in Idaho Falls.
After the park we went to a BBQ at my Grandma's and then headed over to the baseball game! I love me a little all American past time while celebrating the nation's birthday. He claimed to be cold so needed to wrap himself up in the blanket...After a while he got over it and allowed me to sit on the blanket with him.
The dorkus actually wanted a normal picture with me. So of course I got an awesome one with the sun shining all cool like.
Then I somehow managed to get one of the two of us all sun shinny. Still saying he was cold with the blanket wrapped around him.
Isn't he just the cutest thing ever?! Yes he actually watched the game....the only reason I go, and this is a direct quote from my father," Yeah they've been coming to games since they were little, but I think they only came for the food so they didn't learn anything about the actual sport." Still rings true today. I am all about the food.
After the baseball game we walked to our little spot, had some sandwiches and superb homemade ice cream, and watched the second best fireworks show in the nation. Yes, it was amazing and didn't disappoint.
The next day we drove back to Logan just in time for me to get horribly sick, throwing up all through the night. Which is another thing I am thankful for, a man who will drive to the store after working a 14 hour graveyard shift and pick me up some sprite and pepto bismol. Yes, he is the greatest. But, all in all this was the best fourth of July in the books. There is nothing better than to have a perfect couple days on my favorite holiday :)
Once we finally made it home I offered to make dinner, which he actually ended up making. The next day I had to work, which was miserable on my feet. But I made it through. Then after I made dinner to make up for not making dinner the night before, and to nourish the man since he had to do the hike again because he left his keys at the lake at the top. The next day was the 3rd and we had Chinese for dinner and went to the Kansas concert and fireworks with his family here in Logan. It was so much fun! The fireworks were way better than I thought they would be!
The next morning we left early to head to Idaho. Where I got my car fixed thanks to my wonderful dad. We went and got baseball tickets, lunch and enjoyed a little sunshine at the park :) This is us at my favorite park in Idaho Falls.
After the park we went to a BBQ at my Grandma's and then headed over to the baseball game! I love me a little all American past time while celebrating the nation's birthday. He claimed to be cold so needed to wrap himself up in the blanket...After a while he got over it and allowed me to sit on the blanket with him.
The dorkus actually wanted a normal picture with me. So of course I got an awesome one with the sun shining all cool like.
Then I somehow managed to get one of the two of us all sun shinny. Still saying he was cold with the blanket wrapped around him.
Isn't he just the cutest thing ever?! Yes he actually watched the game....the only reason I go, and this is a direct quote from my father," Yeah they've been coming to games since they were little, but I think they only came for the food so they didn't learn anything about the actual sport." Still rings true today. I am all about the food.
After the baseball game we walked to our little spot, had some sandwiches and superb homemade ice cream, and watched the second best fireworks show in the nation. Yes, it was amazing and didn't disappoint.
The next day we drove back to Logan just in time for me to get horribly sick, throwing up all through the night. Which is another thing I am thankful for, a man who will drive to the store after working a 14 hour graveyard shift and pick me up some sprite and pepto bismol. Yes, he is the greatest. But, all in all this was the best fourth of July in the books. There is nothing better than to have a perfect couple days on my favorite holiday :)
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Masquerade
I love, LOVE this song. I think Ali Christensen is so talented, and I think she did a fabulous job with this song. You can listen to it here as well.
"Sitting on the moon, waiting on the sun.
I disguise these feelings, before the night is done.
Though life brings pain, this mask wears well.
Wondering all the while,
If I had the strength I would pick up and walk away.
But I'm so worn out I've run out of things to say.
Tell me what character you want me to play.
I wont be late. masquerade.
Chandelier is burning, as the clock strikes one.
I'm as lonely for the party's just begun.
I paint on a smile and this mask wears well.
Wondering all the while if anyone can tell.
If I had the strength I would pick up and walk away.
But i'm so worn out I've run out of things to say.
Tell me what character you want me to play.
I wont be late.
These shadows are haunted, this home never ends.
I don't know which door to take.
I'd take of this mask if I could, but I can't.
I'll live with the choice I make.
Tell me what character you want me to play.
If I had the strength I would pick up and walk away.
But I'm so worn out I've run out of things to say.
Tell me what character you want me to play.
I wont be late. masquerade."
"Sitting on the moon, waiting on the sun.
I disguise these feelings, before the night is done.
Though life brings pain, this mask wears well.
Wondering all the while,
If I had the strength I would pick up and walk away.
But I'm so worn out I've run out of things to say.
Tell me what character you want me to play.
I wont be late. masquerade.
Chandelier is burning, as the clock strikes one.
I'm as lonely for the party's just begun.
I paint on a smile and this mask wears well.
Wondering all the while if anyone can tell.
If I had the strength I would pick up and walk away.
But i'm so worn out I've run out of things to say.
Tell me what character you want me to play.
I wont be late.
These shadows are haunted, this home never ends.
I don't know which door to take.
I'd take of this mask if I could, but I can't.
I'll live with the choice I make.
Tell me what character you want me to play.
If I had the strength I would pick up and walk away.
But I'm so worn out I've run out of things to say.
Tell me what character you want me to play.
I wont be late. masquerade."
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Sweetest Man Award
I am in no way bragging, but I kind of am...if that makes sense?! I am SO lucky. Yesterday I was at work, working a 9 hour shift. At my work there always has to be a manager and employee in the store at all times. Yesterday it was just me and my manager, but since I was working a 9 hour shift I got a 30 minute lunch. So, I ordered pita pit and had them deliver. I got a Dr.Pepper and it came in a soda bottle. When I went in the back and opened my drink it exploded, much like a volcano would I imagine, ALL over me! So, I am covered in Dr. Pepper, and SOAKING wet...not enjoyable to work in right?! Well, my manager wouldn't let me leave so I could either work in wet clothes and a huge brown spot on my pants and shirt or I could have someone bring me clothes. I couldn't even walk across the hall and buy another shirt. So I called this really sweet man, who dropped what he was doing to come get my apartment key, go to my apartment get the exact clothes I asked him to get and bring them to me. Yeah, so sweet. Then after I got off work I was really sick, and who was there to cater to my every need? Yep. He is pretty good to me. He definitely gets the sweetest man award. He is willing to do anything for me, especially if it makes me happy.
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