Traits of the Men I have dated

how many times have you used that line?
did you replace the last two dozen names with mine?

is ‘I love you baby’ second nature by now?
cause it sounds awful rehearsed
when the words leave your mouth

I don’t know why but it seems
that I’m not the first to have heard this speech
is this a routine you just repeat?
cause I don’t mean to presume
that you don’t love me like you say you do but
you’re gonna have to prove that you’re true
and you’re not just talkin’ smooth

your performance deserves an academy award
and it’s a double edged sword cause I sure feel adored

but just between us i’d rather see you slip up
don’t you know that it’s those
less than perfect words I can’t get enough of

maybe I’m outta my head
but i’m telling you baby that I’ve been misled
so if the record’s off well could you get it set?
I don’t mean to presume
that you don’t love me like you say you do but
you’re gonna have to prove that you’re true
and you’re not just talkin’ smooth

well you’ve proven your charm is a crime
oh and ooooh why don’t you see
the harm in relying on this disguise
you’re losing me with every little wink of the eye

the end of my rope is slipping out of my hold
so if you’re clever you’d better do some damage control

I don’t know why but it seems
you’ve made a game of making a fool outta me
and I did not sign up to be
your tongue-in-cheek, hey oh yeah
I don’t mean to presume
that you don’t love me like you say you do but
you’re gonna have to prove that you’re true
and you’re not just talkin’ smooth
oh can you prove you’re not just talkin’ smooth

Bewilderment with a side of unease

Over the past year I have made decisions, some good, some bad, to get me to where I am today. Looking back though, I don't think I would have chosen a different path. Even though they are things that have brought me heartache and trouble, I have learned from my mistakes and become a stronger person. Well....I have tried to learn from my mistakes, I have relapsed a few times, but hey I am only human!!! But there is one thing that I just can't understand, I have dated jerks, complete jerks, and I know they are jerks and yet I still long to be with them after things are over? Maybe its just the companionship I long for? I have no idea. But if I could wish one thing, it would be to find a nice guy who respects me, is a gentleman(opens my door even when we are just hanging out) and well good looking and fun to be with. Not saying I am wishing to find that right now, but I want the next guy I fall for to be that guy. I don't want to get hurt anymore.

Onto guy friends...so once upon a time I had these great guy friends, had being the key word. To keep things short we got in a huge fight and I found out they were cowards and jerks. On Sunday I went to a fireside and these boys were there and sought me out afterward and apologized and told me they wanted to be friends again. But I felt the apology was fake like the last two I received from these elect gentlemen, so I just agreed so we could part ways. Really it frustrates me though that people can be that fake, they only wanted to hear that I forgave them so they felt ok with themselves. They don't care about me, and they have no desire to be my friend.

So...I have this other guy friend and we have now been friends for over a year, and I consider him to be my best friend. I seriously have no idea what I would do without him, my life doesn't feel complete when I don't talk to him...and we always joke around that we should date and we had a phone conversation where we were joking around about getting married. But part of me kind of wants that, and could picture that...(if he reads this I will die)...but then there is part of me where I am totally messing around and wouldn't ever go there....oh what to do what to do???

Lets be honest, Men are complicated, whether they are friends or more than friends. But I really need to be better at not blurring the lines of friendship and relationship, it would help make things less complicated.