Monday, January 30, 2012

I want to...

I want to change hearts, I want to affect people, I want to change people and the world. I want people to know I was here....

Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde

Often times you can see a beautiful person, talk with them and even go out with them a couple times and have this glorified version of who they are. Then when you meet them 3 years later and they are still single you think you have hit the jack-pot. Because your own Mr. Dreamy is now interested in you, what could be better right? This is a real conversation word for word as to why every my Mr. Dreamy is not dreamy at all but in fact a jerk, just looking for a piece.

Mr. Dreamy: "If I wanted to kiss would you" (don't get confused cuz he can't use punctuation, he is asking if I would kiss him if he wanted to kiss me, real romantic I know)

Me: "I've got a 3 date rule prince charming."

Mr. Dreamy: "haha ok"

Me: "So you've got three dates to think about planning before you can think about kissing."

Mr. Dreamy: "Yayaya. You are not rebellious then." (We were talking about me being a rebel cuz I didn't go to a church fireside.)

Me: ";)" (Yes this was a conversation through text because why would I be cool enough to talk to face to face for any man) (ok...that was very sarcastic and a bit un-true, there is one man who is man enough to talk to me face to face.)

Mr. Dreamy: "See"

Me:"There was a time when I would have jumped at the chance. But older wiser Lindsey knows better. There's a difference between a man wanting you and wanting a piece of you. I'm not saying you are that way, I'm just much more careful than I used to be."

........and nothing no response. Yep, I called him out and he got offended. I am not about to waste time on a man, no matter how great I thought he was(because he obviously wasn't), if he doesn't think I am worth getting to know. Especially if that means blowing off the actual man of my dreams who is right in front of me. I am just irked that he thought it was ok to act like that. I don't care who you are, no man should ever treat a woman like that. So, here is to Mr. Dreamy being anything but dreamy, but in fact a man who just wants a piece. And people wonder why I am so cynical towards members of the opposite sex at times...when you get treated like an object and not a person you tend to react poorly.

Monday, January 23, 2012


People inspire me. They make me want to be better, to do better. In my dress and humanities class we have been challenged to make a change in the world. It's not something required of us, but it is something I want to do. I have the strongest desire to change the world. To see the beauty in all things. I want to make the world a beautiful place. To make people happy, and feel good about themselves. I want to make an impact for good on this earth. That's been one of my biggest dreams for awhile, I'm just not entirely sure how to make it happen. There are plenty of amazing organizations that provide to benefit people around the world. For example:

The United Way
Universities Fighting World Hunger
FEED Projects
Invisible Children
Think Pink, Inc.
World Food Programme

These are all amazing organizations, and truly help people. But the change that I hope to make in the world is confidence. There are so many people in this country and the world that are depressed and not comfortable with who they are. They hate their weight, their personality, the stupid decisions they make, when truly they are beautiful people who have so much potential. I just want to point out how truly amazing they are. A confident person is capable of doing many things that they could have seen as impossible before. Weight, body features, personality, stupid decisions and the like do not stop us from doing something incredible. With the right amount of desire a person can do anything they set their heart and mind to. I say heart because if you back everything you do with love, I believe anything is possible. Recently in an English class I wrote a paper titled forging against the media's perception of beauty. In that paper I prove how much our lives are impacted by the media, and how the media destroys the view people (mostly women) have of themselves. Being a woman who has suffered from the self-doubt and insecurities of not being "good-enough" according to the world's standards I know how tough it is. It makes you feel that no matter what you do, it will never be good enough. But the truth is we are all SO amazing. We are all different and have different talents and abilities that others don't even dream of having. Our potential is limitless.

Beauty Redefined

I LOVE this organization, this is something I stand for completely, because it is something I battle on a daily basis. Beauty Redefined is taking a stand against what we are told to think and be viewed as and who we really are, and how amazing we are. I think this is completely phenomenal, and I want to create a change in this world. I want to make people happy to be WHO they are, not trying to be someone else. I want to start some sort of movement, but I am not sure how to go about it. So any advice and people willing to help would be great! Thanks!

Thursday, January 19, 2012


This song warms my heart. Many probably don't know this about me but I have the strongest desire to adopt a baby from another country one day. It maybe funny to some, but to me it's so very important and it's one of my biggest dreams in life. To give love to a child who otherwise wouldn't have it.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Welcome to My Rollercoaster

It's crazy what can happen in a couple month's time. I feel like the last month has seemed longer than the past year has. ha ha my life. It's crazy and great all at the same time. So much of me has been changed and molded into a better person in the last little bit. It blows me away the impact people can have on your life. I moved home, and now I am back in Logan, for many many reasons mainly for the endless possibilities. From here I can take my life anywhere I can do what I want, I can live my dreams, it just took moving home to see that. Since I really don't have the desire to write out everything that I have felt, and don't have the desire to relay everything that has happened in my life, I have chosen to put up a couple Etiquette for a lady rules that have applied to my feelings, what has happened, the mistakes I have made, and part of my journey in the last little while...This is such a true statement. Sometimes it would be easier to know ahead of time what the person's role in your life is, but I am grateful for everyone that has helped me become who I am today.
You may have a life planned out of living in Idaho Falls, then decide that's not the life your supposed to live and pack up and move to Logan in less than two days. (and by you I mean me of course.)
Yes, yes it is! How pointless life would be without the rambling conversations, the deep kisses, and the strange and ever changing adventures.
This is by far one of the most important lessons I have learned in life, not just over the last couple months. There are so many people who have been nothing but amazing to me and have helped me in so many ways possible, and I am so grateful for them and the examples they are to me.

It is taking a lot of effort for me to be strong. I have realized that a lot of my dating life I have been living in fear and running away from love and what it had to offer me. Sometimes what is easier is not always better.
I am not trying to blow my own horn here, but I have had to exert an enormous amount of strength this past couple months, strength I didn't know I had in certain areas. Strength that seemed to come from no where. But I know it was the Spirit, even though I may have gone against promptings and moved home, I was able to admit I was wrong and work my way back towards where I need to be.
Definitely goes along the same lines as pretty much every other quote. I make up my mind to do something and I do it, no matter what, even when maybe I should be listening to that still small voice and throwing out the brakes. I am just happy I got a second chance at many things.
In order to stick with someone and never let them go you have to be able to break down your walls and let them in. You have to be able to trust them, and not be so terrified of falling. This one is a work in progress. I don't know that I will ever not be afraid to fall or afraid of getting hurt, but I am giving it my all to make this work.
Seriously, sitting on the couch doing absolutely nothing with you, means the world to me and that terrifies me.
Obviously I have been having a problem with fear guiding me in my life. And honestly that's a hard habit to break. Admitting I was wrong and apologizing definitely moved me towards the direction of working on what I really care about. Moving back to Logan was another step on the path. I am slowly working my way towards where I want to be, but it's taking a lot of strength, work and trust.You can't always wear make-up to make you look beautiful, you aren't always going to be a size 2, you may one day look tragically different than you did at your peak in life, so surround yourself with people who love you for you, not what you look like on the outside.
The one who is willing to communicate and work things out, no matter how much you mess things up.
If you are yourself you have nothing else to worry about, if people don't like you? Forget them! Because why would you want someone in your life who is constantly trying to change you. You should only change for you and to become better. Don't let the world tell you who you should be.
And by judging one for what they have done, you may/most likely become a hypocrite later on because you never know what life has in store for you around the corner, and how you will react.
I think this is one of the hardest things to learn. I know I still confuse the two on a daily basis.
Stop worrying about getting hurt! Just enjoy the now, and let life take the path it will. If you do get hurt, you can only learn and grow from it. Just take a chance, and really do it, put all you've got into it.
ha ha I think this saying is rather....lame for lack of a better word. But it is true. You never know what you've got until it's gone, just hope and pray you can get it back.
But hopefully you can repent of such foolish things, that people will forgive you and that you can learn and grow from your mistakes.

Now, you must realize that when I write "you" often times I am speaking to myself. Because even though I have learned many of these things it's still a constantly battle and learning situation. I have to work on it everyday.