Over the past year I have made decisions, some good, some bad, to get me to where I am today. Looking back though, I don't think I would have chosen a different path. Even though they are things that have brought me heartache and trouble, I have learned from my mistakes and become a stronger person. Well....I have tried to learn from my mistakes, I have relapsed a few times, but hey I am only human!!! But there is one thing that I just can't understand, I have dated jerks, complete jerks, and I know they are jerks and yet I still long to be with them after things are over? Maybe its just the companionship I long for? I have no idea. But if I could wish one thing, it would be to find a nice guy who respects me, is a gentleman(opens my door even when we are just hanging out) and well good looking and fun to be with. Not saying I am wishing to find that right now, but I want the next guy I fall for to be that guy. I don't want to get hurt anymore.
Onto guy friends...so once upon a time I had these great guy friends, had being the key word. To keep things short we got in a huge fight and I found out they were cowards and jerks. On Sunday I went to a fireside and these boys were there and sought me out afterward and apologized and told me they wanted to be friends again. But I felt the apology was fake like the last two I received from these elect gentlemen, so I just agreed so we could part ways. Really it frustrates me though that people can be that fake, they only wanted to hear that I forgave them so they felt ok with themselves. They don't care about me, and they have no desire to be my friend.
So...I have this other guy friend and we have now been friends for over a year, and I consider him to be my best friend. I seriously have no idea what I would do without him, my life doesn't feel complete when I don't talk to him...and we always joke around that we should date and we had a phone conversation where we were joking around about getting married. But part of me kind of wants that, and could picture that...(if he reads this I will die)...but then there is part of me where I am totally messing around and wouldn't ever go there....oh what to do what to do???
Lets be honest, Men are complicated, whether they are friends or more than friends. But I really need to be better at not blurring the lines of friendship and relationship, it would help make things less complicated.
No comments:
Post a Comment