Courage

I wrote this last night, but didn't have the courage to post it, because I feared who would read it. Now, after hours of talking, crying and listening I realize maybe it's something people should know. It's not something that defines me, or makes me a bad person, it is simply just something that happened to me. And like I wrote I WANT to help people and I feel through this journey of healing that maybe I will be able to help someone else. If I do nothing else in this life but to help one soul, that will be enough.

Courage: the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.

Courage is something I feel that I lack a majority of the time. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart and deals with emotions I like to bury down deep. In my hour long phone call at 2 in the morning last night I realize, maybe in this case it's something I need to have. Because Trev pointed out so plainly that this is something I will never heal from unless I deal with it. I can hide it away, and pretend like I'm okay but I never really will be. That terrifies me just as much as admitting what happened to me. I don't know that I can do it. But I don't know that I can survive it if I don't. I need help but I'm too proud and embarrassed to reach out for it. Trev said I can't help others emotionally if I am not willing to help myself and fix myself emotionally. There is nothing I want more.

yes, I'm obsessed. Deal with it.

Ok so youtube...it's like my favorite thing EVER! Cuz I can find all these awesome new songs and artists! Which I just LOVE! So this guy...basically amazing, and his collabs with Jess Mosskaluke...EVEN BETTER! So here are a couple of my favorites! :)





Ok, but I have other favorite's I'm gonna share of Jess Moskaluke's!








In case you couldn't tell...this is my favorite song! The melody and the lyrics are amazing and when good singers are performing it, I can't help but swoon :)

Love me some Julia

Sometimes

Sometimes, I hate being an adult. I just wanna be a little kid again, with no responsibilities. I want to have a nap time, and play outside all day. Sometimes, I feel like I can't handle being an adult. I feel so lost and confused. I feel as though the waves are crashing over me and I am starting to loose sight of the shore. Sometimes, I panic, because I don't know what to do, who to turn to or where to go. Life is easier as a child, and sometimes I just want to go back.

What's the use to throw yourself at love when in the end it never seems enough to be able to get through all of life's broken dreams.

I do love my life

Isn't it crazy how drastically and quickly life changes?? But I am so grateful for all the changes and challenges I have thrown my way. I had the greatest holiday!....which was then followed by two days of being horribly sick. It has been a time since I have been this sick. My holiday started out on Sunday when I went for a 8 mile hike in flip flops...and came home with horrible blisters. Needless to say, I WON'T EVER be doing that again. But my great boyfriend(even though he forewarned me) took care of me the best he could. Here are pictures of the lake we hiked up to, and swam in. It really was a gorgeous hike, and a beautiful spot.



Once we finally made it home I offered to make dinner, which he actually ended up making. The next day I had to work, which was miserable on my feet. But I made it through. Then after I made dinner to make up for not making dinner the night before, and to nourish the man since he had to do the hike again because he left his keys at the lake at the top. The next day was the 3rd and we had Chinese for dinner and went to the Kansas concert and fireworks with his family here in Logan. It was so much fun! The fireworks were way better than I thought they would be!


The next morning we left early to head to Idaho. Where I got my car fixed thanks to my wonderful dad. We went and got baseball tickets, lunch and enjoyed a little sunshine at the park :) This is us at my favorite park in Idaho Falls.
After the park we went to a BBQ at my Grandma's and then headed over to the baseball game! I love me a little all American past time while celebrating the nation's birthday. He claimed to be cold so needed to wrap himself up in the blanket...After a while he got over it and allowed me to sit on the blanket with him.
The dorkus actually wanted a normal picture with me. So of course I got an awesome one with the sun shining all cool like.
Then I somehow managed to get one of the two of us all sun shinny. Still saying he was cold with the blanket wrapped around him.
Isn't he just the cutest thing ever?! Yes he actually watched the game....the only reason I go, and this is a direct quote from my father," Yeah they've been coming to games since they were little, but I think they only came for the food so they didn't learn anything about the actual sport." Still rings true today. I am all about the food.
After the baseball game we walked to our little spot, had some sandwiches and superb homemade ice cream, and watched the second best fireworks show in the nation. Yes, it was amazing and didn't disappoint.
The next day we drove back to Logan just in time for me to get horribly sick, throwing up all through the night. Which is another thing I am thankful for, a man who will drive to the store after working a 14 hour graveyard shift and pick me up some sprite and pepto bismol. Yes, he is the greatest. But, all in all this was the best fourth of July in the books. There is nothing better than to have a perfect couple days on my favorite holiday :)