As I sit here at work with a dead phone I realize how much I rely on technology. I am seriously dying without having some contact with the world outside my little bubble! I do have my laptop..but no internet. I get so lonely! It’s a great thing I have these sappy romantic movies to keep me company (sarcasm). I hate watching romantic movies…they make me crave companionship. It’s not just the fairy tale part of a relationship I crave, I want the bad times that make me appreciate the good times. I am ok with fighting as long as we can communicate and work through the problems. I want to get to know another person, to know their habits, good and bad. I don’t want to be scared anymore, I want to learn to trust, so a person doesn’t have to earn my trust, but it is automatically given to them when I first meet them.
“I wanna be the one you reach for first.”
I feel that my trust issues have made me a selfish person, I forget to think of others because I am too worried they are going to hurt me, when I may be hurting them. But that’s not what I want. I want to be someone’s companion, the person you lean on and the one you turn to when something goes wrong. But I do need someone who will understand my faults and work with me, like I would with them in their faults.
“Slow to trust but I’m quick to love. I push too hard and I give too much. I ain’t sayin’ I’m perfect but I promise I’m worth it. Now I’m standing here in front of you, tell me boy what you gonna do?”
This is my personal motto. Why? Because it fits me perfectly. I am working on the trusting part, but I don’t think there is any way I can change the rest. I am who I am therefore, “take me as I am”.
Lately through conversations with my roommates and thoughts as some of my friends become parents, I have been thinking about what I really want from a future spouse…
And what I want? Someone who respects me. Someone who will take care of me if I am sick. Someone who truly believes in the gospel, the power of prayer, testimony, the redeemer, repentance, and in the plan of salvation. Someone who is a worthy priesthood holder. I don’t want a man who has the “fake it till I make it” motto, I want him to believe it. Someone who will take our children to the park. A man who will be an example to our children, to be an encourager of all things good, and an excellent source of advice. someone who will love unconditionally and be accepting of many. Someone who makes me want to be a better person. A man who is a man and will be the protector of our family. Someone who appreciates the little things as much as I do. Someone who will hold my hand even when we are 50 and already raised a family. Someone who is an example to many but follows few. Someone who marches to the beat of his own drum and embraces and loves the fact that I do to. Someone who will cook dinner with me and enjoy it. A man who will take his turn to do the dishes. Someone who will open my door until the day we die. Someone who appreciates my opinion but has an opinion of his own. Someone who pushes me to try new things. Someone who wants to travel with me. Someone who would be worthy to give our children father’s blessings. A man who will take me to the temple. A man who no matter the number of mistakes he has made, learns from them and is a better person because of them. Someone who is willing to forgive me when I get overly emotional and/or when I freak out. A man who is willing to read scriptures with me and have family home evening as a family. Someone who helps keep me in check financially. Someone who embraces my creativity, and is willing to share things about himself (hobbies, interests, etc.) with me. Someone who is willing to point out when I am wrong, or when I am doing things I shouldn’t, but still be accepting and help me work on it. Someone who maybe doesn’t share all my favorites, interests, or hobbies. Someone who loves me. Someone who loves Heavenly Father. A man who respects his mother and all women in general. And most importantly a man who can make me smile and laugh.
That’s a pretty long list. But I don’t feel that it is impossible for a man to be what I want. I am only asking what I promise to deliver. I only ask that he comes half way I will go the other half.
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