Thursday, February 9, 2012

and she rambles on and on....

Ok, tonight while it started out horrible with past men popping up all over the place, ended wonderfully when I made a new best friend! Seriously one of the coolest guys I have ever met! His brutal honesty, utter kindness and complete manliness is such a difference from all the past men. But, don't be confused I am not interested romantically in this man, but I see an excellent friendship brewing. ha ha We made a deal that I will find him a not so crazy gorgeous girl and he will find me a real manly man who can be honest with me. Sounds like an excellent deal, eh?

Also seeing "Mr. I thought you were my knight and shining armor" tonight putting his arm around another girl dug pretty deep, but the weird thing, it made me get over him on the spot. I deserve so much better, not a man who is going to do something to get a rise out of me(cause his arm was only around her as I walked by...REALLY?! Who are you!!!). Yes, I can admit I may not have been over him, even though I have been saying I am, as I have gone on the 3 dates already this week. It just sucks to find out what he really felt after, cause it makes me feel like I was absolutely nothing to him, even though he claimed just the opposite. But life is constantly changing, and I have definitely changed my opinion of him, because why would you hurt someone like that if you truly cared for them?

Now I am not saying I am perfect, I have many, many flaws as well. For example, last night's guy did tell me that I am completely boy crazy and date a lot. I asked him how he could know such things about me, we hadn't ever hung out and that was our first date. He said that its easy to tell when I go country dancing that there are a lot of men I am dating and that I flirt with everyone...huh. He even said that every time he try's to talk to me or ask me to dance I am talking with or dancing with other guys...I guess I never realized men actually paid attention to me... I truly thought I was invisible, I mean especially since I am in a room with a couple hundred people. So maybe I am hurting the guys I am dating without even realizing it? But the thing is I would never do that intentionally in front of them to hurt them. I just enjoy dating and getting to know new people, and I happen to be good at flirting so I do it....a lot. Maybe the truth is I'm not ready for a serious, committed relationship, because I enjoy being single and going on lots of dates. I enjoy playing the field. and no I don't think that is a bad thing. I will be married for forever, so I want to date a ton of men and decide what it is I really want. Judge me, but I want to live a life full of excitement and get to know many people before I decide to get hitched.

So, while I go on date #4 of the week tomorrow, I will try to be better, and think of others feelings. But in return I need them to think of mine. I know I have my crazy moments, but really everyone does. You have to be willing to accept someone for who they are fully, the bad, the good, the crazy and the ugly before you commit to an eternity with them.

Sorry for my rambles that don't really flow. But it is what it is. Starting today, I live my life with no regret. I'm not going to try to pretend to be someone I'm not, I'm honest with every man I date, I live life one day at a time, I don't intentionally hurt people, and I will go with the flow of whatever life throws my way...cause I definitely need to throw the drama on the wayside.

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