***Lyrics to both songs are crucial to listen to***
You've been my best friend for 4 years now. As much as I denied it at times, I have always loved you on some level or another. We fight and bicker like an old married couple and/or siblings. We get mad at each other, we get over it. We tease each other, we care for each other(or did). But lately it has become more one sided, I have continued to do everything I could for you. But I have slowly felt more and more used as the days have gone on. You weren't there when I needed you the most, in fact you went running to the other side. Instead of standing by me and helping me be ok, you were talking behind my back with him. Nothing cuts more like a dagger to the back. But I dealt with it, I mean we have been through everything together, I need you.
I realized on Thursday that I had just become your little guinea pig. Someone you used when you needed. You can send me a text and back peddle and say it was a joke all you want. But it's been 4 years, remember? I know you better than that. Yeah, I called you out for acting weird, because you have been, you never would have used me like that before this. I don't understand why you are acting this way. You say you thought things were great, of course you did you were reaping all the benefits while I was breaking down inside.
You ditched me on our dinner plans, and then claimed you didn't even remember making them. It was only the night before, and I texted you that morning to make sure we were still down. But you claimed you ate too much at work, and then didn't want to spend any time with me that night? Not even a phone call or text to explain. You rarely answer my phone calls and texts anymore. But the second I don't answer a text you call me, and when I don't answer you call 8 times leaving voice mails and texting me again. Then when I do answer the phone in a rush(because I am late), you think I'm "copping an attitude". The things you said to me in that phone call are ingrained in my memory, I will never be able to forget them.
So this is where our journey comes to an end. This is where I cut you out of my life completely. Because a person who truly cared for me, would never have said half the things you did to me tonight. I feel completely broken inside, you have cut me deeper than any man. So here's the truth, the biggest reason I moved home was you. I have made a lot of my major decisions the past four years around you. Yes, this is the first time I am actually admitting to it, but in order to move on I have to. I moved home because I wasn't strong enough to erase you from my life completely, but I knew something had to be done. I even told my mom the other day that I keep going back to you cuz I have no one to replace you with. I still don't, but now there is no going back, not after what you said today.
I know I have created this facade of being a boy crazy girl who goes on millions of dates and doesn't care about any men, but that's just so no one will ever see my pain and hurt. I don't like people being able to see me as vulnerable or weak, so I don't let them see that. Except this time, I chose to show you all my vulnerabilities and how hurt I truly was, and you did nothing. So I became bitter and calloused again and pretended nothing was wrong, because if you couldn't help me, no one could. So now I'm completely heartbroken with no where to turn. I can't trust, and after this it will take a miracle for me to be able to trust any man again. I showed you me, and you threw me out with the trash.
There's the truth. All of it. I'm just a girl hiding behind a mask. I let a man see behind my mask, and he shattered me into a million pieces. Good luck to the next poor sap.
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