Oh Life....

So the title of my blog is "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" but I am starting to feel as though that is a lie. Because I have yet to meet a gentleman...I have yet to meet a decent man. I don't understand life. Heck, I don't even understand me right now. I know what I want....I am just finding it hard to accomplish. I feel as though I am being sucked down into black hole and there is no way of escaping it. Ha! It's summer, and I have been playing like I am going to die tomorrow, but I just feel like something is missing. I just can't figure out what. I have lost my desire to date and to get to know men. In fact I could hull up inside my room for the next 3 months and be just fine I do believe. But that would not benefit my life, and it would allow this black hole of darkness to win. I don't understand what is missing. Ok, fine....Yes I do. But I DO NOT want to admit it out loud. Especially since the reason for the sadness is because i have lost hope, It find it hard to have the faith in that one thing anymore. I know I should trust in the Lord and know that when the time is right and I am ready that whatever is supposed to happen will. But I just feel broken, I feel like no man ever enters my life with good intentions and that they are all just out to hurt me. This thinking then in turn pushes the guys who could be good away and makes them angry. what can I do? I mean the minute I put my trust in someone is the minute they let me down. Maybe I could remedy this thinking if it didn't happen so often, time and time again. I know I am complaining and I really shouldn't because I am so very blessed, sometimes I just get sad.

On a different note and to maybe cheer me up again, I shall talk about why I am blessed, or why I feel I am extraordinarily blessed. My parents are truly the most amazing people I have ever met. They are going on their 31st year of marriage and still going on strong and I love them for that. I love them for the amazing example they set for me, and that they never gave up, like so many other couples do today, they kept strong and worked for the marriage they have. I have an amazing little sister who is such an example to me, even though I am the one who should be the example. She makes me laugh so hard I cry, and makes me so angry I go red in the face, but I love her unconditionally. I am so proud of her for graduating from high school and seminary! She will do great at ISU and I am sure she will love it because she can make the best of any situation and be an example to those around her.
I also am so blessed for my extended family. I went to my great-grandmothers house last weekend and spent a few hours with my mom grandma and great-grandma, what a wonderful experience it was! I even got new silverware a table and chairs and a bed! I loved listening to my great-grandma talk of old stories I was especially excited when in a drawer we found her mothers handwritten cookbook! Talk about amazing! Then when looking through the cupboards I found a blue plate with some flowers on it and fell in love, because it was just so vintage and cute...come to find out it was a plate she received for her wedding! Yes, I know have a plate that is over 60 years old! Talk about amazing! I also spent the morning garage selling with my mommy. Now those who know me know I HATE mornings they are the bane of my existance, but getting up at 8 on a saturday morning was totally worth it! Then I topped off the evening looking at a sweet face of my friends new baby and chatting with another dear friend while eating frozen yogurt. I am so grateful for amazing friends, and I am thankful for the horrible ones who let me appreciate how good the great ones are. Well I have so many other things I am grateful for and am blessed with....but this post is probably the longest one I have ever done....So I shall end it with adieu.