Traits of the Men I have dated

how many times have you used that line?
did you replace the last two dozen names with mine?

is ‘I love you baby’ second nature by now?
cause it sounds awful rehearsed
when the words leave your mouth

I don’t know why but it seems
that I’m not the first to have heard this speech
is this a routine you just repeat?
cause I don’t mean to presume
that you don’t love me like you say you do but
you’re gonna have to prove that you’re true
and you’re not just talkin’ smooth

your performance deserves an academy award
and it’s a double edged sword cause I sure feel adored

but just between us i’d rather see you slip up
don’t you know that it’s those
less than perfect words I can’t get enough of

maybe I’m outta my head
but i’m telling you baby that I’ve been misled
so if the record’s off well could you get it set?
I don’t mean to presume
that you don’t love me like you say you do but
you’re gonna have to prove that you’re true
and you’re not just talkin’ smooth

well you’ve proven your charm is a crime
oh and ooooh why don’t you see
the harm in relying on this disguise
you’re losing me with every little wink of the eye

the end of my rope is slipping out of my hold
so if you’re clever you’d better do some damage control

I don’t know why but it seems
you’ve made a game of making a fool outta me
and I did not sign up to be
your tongue-in-cheek, hey oh yeah
I don’t mean to presume
that you don’t love me like you say you do but
you’re gonna have to prove that you’re true
and you’re not just talkin’ smooth
oh can you prove you’re not just talkin’ smooth

Bewilderment with a side of unease

Over the past year I have made decisions, some good, some bad, to get me to where I am today. Looking back though, I don't think I would have chosen a different path. Even though they are things that have brought me heartache and trouble, I have learned from my mistakes and become a stronger person. Well....I have tried to learn from my mistakes, I have relapsed a few times, but hey I am only human!!! But there is one thing that I just can't understand, I have dated jerks, complete jerks, and I know they are jerks and yet I still long to be with them after things are over? Maybe its just the companionship I long for? I have no idea. But if I could wish one thing, it would be to find a nice guy who respects me, is a gentleman(opens my door even when we are just hanging out) and well good looking and fun to be with. Not saying I am wishing to find that right now, but I want the next guy I fall for to be that guy. I don't want to get hurt anymore.

Onto guy friends...so once upon a time I had these great guy friends, had being the key word. To keep things short we got in a huge fight and I found out they were cowards and jerks. On Sunday I went to a fireside and these boys were there and sought me out afterward and apologized and told me they wanted to be friends again. But I felt the apology was fake like the last two I received from these elect gentlemen, so I just agreed so we could part ways. Really it frustrates me though that people can be that fake, they only wanted to hear that I forgave them so they felt ok with themselves. They don't care about me, and they have no desire to be my friend.

So...I have this other guy friend and we have now been friends for over a year, and I consider him to be my best friend. I seriously have no idea what I would do without him, my life doesn't feel complete when I don't talk to him...and we always joke around that we should date and we had a phone conversation where we were joking around about getting married. But part of me kind of wants that, and could picture that...(if he reads this I will die)...but then there is part of me where I am totally messing around and wouldn't ever go there....oh what to do what to do???

Lets be honest, Men are complicated, whether they are friends or more than friends. But I really need to be better at not blurring the lines of friendship and relationship, it would help make things less complicated.

Once in a Lifetime experience.

well today has by far been the weirdest/best day of my life. It started out with me being late to class...not a big shocker. Then I go to my Piano lesson and pass off like 3 songs, with little practice time. (yay go me!) Then I went out on a lunch date with this man that lives across the street from me, he was way nice, perfect gentleman, but his hands kinda bugged me, pretty cute and I had a really good time, plus he took me to old grist mill which is my favorite, good choice! Then after my date I came home and listened to some of Tyler Wards music (AMAZING)...seriously, I want to marry this man, and I don't even know him! Then this other man called me to tell me he was on his way to pick me up for dinner. I was slightly nervous and excited for this date, unlike the first one...well I was disappointed. First we went to Fredricos, which is also a favorite of mine. :) So we were just talking getting to know each other waiting for our pizza to be cooked and he goes on and on about his trust issues and his ex-wife (which I didn't know he was married before) and continues to tell me stuff you really shouldn't talk about on a first date, seriously! then 55 minutes(yes that's right we had to wait for our food and it still only took 55 min. I scarfed my food down, and I don't eat fast) later he is walking me to my door for the "door scene". At this time I am expecting him to wrap it up, tell me how much fun he had and if he wants to go out again. No, he just stands there all awkward, so I say "...well did you want to come in??" and he returns with "well only if your comfortable with that." (my mind is screaming no I am NOT ok with that! hug me and leave! better yet, give me a flippin high five!) so I say " well I really don't know I kinda am not ok with that." to which he stands there awkwardly for another minute and a half! so I say "ok well I will hug you and see you later" then he says" well did you want to go on a second date or not?" (SERIOUSLY) to which I reply "well we did just end our first date I need some time to think about it to see how I feel." to which he replies "alright see you later" then I call my roommate and drive to the hockey game where she is, cuz I was freaking out about the date still. Then this guy texts me and says "thanks again" I didn't not reply. I just forgot about him and watched the game (which we won!) then I get a call from my dearest tan tan telling me she is going to watch a movie with lots of hot men at the platinum house. (ha ha of course I didn't take much convincing movie+hot men=cuddling)So I pick up val pal and we go over. well we did not end up watching a movie we ended up playing games, the smurf game and the dot game. But there were really cute guys there and they were funny and oh goodness hopefully they are coming hot tubing with us tomorrow. anyways whoever lost the dot game had to do a dare, everyone ended up participating in a dare, well everyone but me. It was 12:40 I had two dots on my head(3 dots and you were out and therefore had to do a dare) everyone was getting up to leave and I was thinking I was in the clear, but then everyone decided to play one more round to get the other girl with 2 dots out. I sat silently in my chair hoping no one would notice that I had two dots... Mary(random girl) pointed out that I had two dots as well therefore it was directed at me I of course cracked under the pressure and messed up, giving me the dreaded 3 dots. since everyone else had participated in a dare and mine was the last one of the night the boys felt mine should be extra GROSS! Well...they decided that I should eat a slice of banana with ketchup on it from in between tan tan's toes. yes you did just read that right. so Eric (very cute boy, also very smart) goes to work settin it all up and I have five guys behind me chanting my name "LINDSEY LINDSEY LINDSEY". I get down next to tan tan's foot and my hair tickles her feet so I freak out. yes my eyes even started watering...then I went in for the kill! It tastes like a combination of sweaty toes, ketchup and banana, yeah NASTY! then I get up and the two girls on the couch are gagging and I just walk it off a bit. I take a drink of water to wash away the nastiness then I go grab my coat which is when Brad(it was his house) freaks out cuz he thinks I am going to barf. So I hurry up and get my coat on and go to leave before I barf and they boys give me high fives and praise my braveness. So then I get out the door and start gagging! Oh man I thought I was gonna lose that amazing pizza, but I wasn't about to do it in front of good looking men! then I came home, end of story.

"It's never easy breaking this old addiction"

Ok, so I decided I would start a blog. I think my life is finally exciting enough that people would want to read about it. ha not that I am wiling to disclose that information. I think I will start by making a list of major things that are going on in my life right now...
1. school. (USU) is kicking my bum. I am in the interior design program with absolutely no intentions of every being an interior designer. Although I love my classes, I just want to do something completely different with my degree, something exciting and new.
2. men. this is what takes the majority of my time believe it or not. ha ha. I am on a journey destined to find a nice, good looking, gentleman(which is a lot harder than I expected it to be, this also could be because I am picky and I am not about to settle for average or someone who is less than I deserve.) I have to admit that I have found plenty of male friends, but no one I want to spend eternity with yet. (I mean eternity does mean an endless period of time, which is a really LONG time)
3. winter. yeah its pretty major in my life right now, its putting my in a funk. I am ready for warm weather so I can go and play outside, although I am learning to play raquetball which is rather intense and quite fun! Also, I am looking forward to summer because it means the school year is over!
4. friends. I have the BEST friends in the entire world. I love all of my male friends, they are always there to answer my questions and threaten to beat up guys who are jerks. Also, they teach me a whole lot about men that I would never know without them. I also have a few terrific girlfriends, one of which would be my heaven sent roommate! Seriously, I don't know what I did to deserve her in my life, but I am so grateful for her! She is always there to talk to me, even when it is 4 in the morning, she keeps me from making stupid decisions, and tells me when a guy is lower than what I deserve, and helps keep me on the straight and narrow, and is such an amazing example to me! I love the girls in my major as well. I love that I have someone to rant to about the blasted graduate teacher who has no idea what she is talking about!
5. bowling. yeah. I am taking a bowling class and I am getting so good. I totally bowled a 106 today. its only a matter of time before I am in the 190s. ha ha or not...
6. living situation. I love the place I am living right now, and am planning on staying for the summer cuz my amazing and terrific roommates are staying as well. But since they all graduate this summer, I will be left alone. So I am left with a difficult decision of whether or not to move again. I really hate moving, therefore I am leaning on just staying put. gah. I am terrible at making decisions.
7. dating. I know I already mentioned men, but men and dating, TOTAL different subjects. Most of the guys I go on dates with don't make it to be "men" in my life. my dating life is crazy, but I do enjoy going on lots of dates and getting to know new people, and getting a better idea of the man I want to spend eternity with.


Ok , so this is way super long. But, this is what's going on in my life right now, leaving me with little time to sleep. well except for when I ditched the homework and took a 3 hour nap tonight. ha ha hence why I am still awake at this early hour.