Life Plan!

So. I have this new found love of writing little poems. Sometimes they don't even have any correlation with my life. But I feel they are full of emotion and kinda powerful. It's just kinda fun, and I have tons of them scattered all over notebooks and such... Anyways enjoy!

It all just seems like a big joke.
When is someone going to pop out and yell, "you've been punked"
Because there is no way this can be real.
Everything moves in a blur and nothing seems to matter.
I watch as the seconds on the clock turn into minutes, then hours.
I just want something real, something tangible.
As the time winds down I find the difficulty rising.
I am slowly loosing hope, but my disdain for the negativity keeps me afloat.

Maybe I will become a song writer...since I am writing a book it seems like the next plausible step! :) So I can be a dental assistant with an associates degree, a book, a song writer and a closet creative. Bam! Life plan!

Sometimes heaven isn't so far away.

Sometimes going to bed at 10:30 is wonderful! I wake up happy and full of energy. Waking up to finish writing a paper not so wonderful, but finishing said paper is relieving! Almost being done with school, wonderful. Getting positive feedback on the paper I felt was not very well written, amazing. Having a good conversation with a very sweet man, intriguing. Coming home and spending an hour chatting with a good friend, blissful. Flirting with my crush and then agreeing to go on a date with him when we are both in the same town, heaven. Being able to stand up and say no to man who I really do not want to go on a date with, empowering. Figuring out what to do with both my bridal shower gifts and getting them wrapped, accomplishing. Eating dinner with the roommates and then watching She's the Man, perfect. The ability to have a full day of happy emotions, completely priceless.

This is just for ME.

Sometimes life is difficult and hard to understand. sometimes people make mistakes and you have to learn to forgive them and not judge as harshly. sometimes we make mistakes and have to learn from them and become better to not do them again. sometimes the poor choices we make affect others unlike we ever thought they would. sometimes its great to catch up with old friends that haven't been seen in two years. sometimes its good to make mistakes so we can grow and become better. But most times more often than not I find myself lonely. I thought he could maybe take away my loneliness but now because of a few stupid decisions I am not so sure he even wants to be a part of my life. But I will learn and move on, but I am still kinda hoping we can work things out. For what am I if I am not his "sweet girl". I know I have plenty of time and options, and some would claim that I don't know him well enough, but I know the honesty of what he said and the way he made me feel. Maybe it was all just a dream...But my dreams have to come true some day right? I have decided I am very bad at keeping goals, because if we work things out I am willing to give up my one man a month goal for the summer, cuz I think he might just be worth it. What have I got to lose I guess? It's not like I have another man worthy of a title such as "Mr. Perfect" knocking down my door. I just don't understand sometimes how feelings like this can happen? It's weird I rarely see him haven't even really gone out with him but yet he has easily put his name on the list of people who are important to me and I care a lot about... These next two weeks will be interesting as I am not going to give up dating other men but I will give up getting serious with any men for him. I feel like thats a lot coming from me. I mean I enjoy dating, and we aren't in an exclusive relationship. I just really need summer here and classes to be over. I am so excited to move into my new apartment and have Tan Tan as a roommate :) I just hope this summer is great with the least amount of drama as possible. ha. who am I kiddin. drama should be my best friend for how much drama there is in my life.

My apologies? But not quite....

haha! I have to admit it. I would be a fool if I didn't. Because reading through all my old post I have realized they go in a circle. I decide I like a boy things are good for awhile I turn to hate him and all men then become sad and give up on dating then the next day I meet a new boy and so the pattern continues. As much as I want to give up on dating even just for a few short weeks, it seems impossible...I enjoy the company of men far too much. And my dear friend Benjamin thinks I am ready to get married? ha! I can hardly stand a man for much longer than a few weeks, how would I possibly be able to stand one for eternity?!

Also, I apologize for all those of you who read my blog and all you ever read about is my dating life. But truly its the most exciting thing about my life. I mean who wants to read that I have decided on a life plan and will be done with school next May? no one. Its boring and totally expected. Not to mention I do this blog more of as a journal than anything...for some reason it's easier for me to write on a blog than to write on pages in a journal. The hard part is I don't include names on here for fear the person I am talking about will one day read it, and going back even a few short weeks I have no idea what man I was talking about...yes this is true. I just go through them so quickly I have to forget about the old ones in order to make room for the new ones. sad, but so very true.

Shocker Folks!

Sneezing, Scratchy throat, stuffy nose, red eyes, headaches, and vomiting. Its spring time again! Everything has thawed! Therefore there is this lovely thing called pollen in the air. Yep! You guessed it I have allergies! I hate it with a bloddy passion! don't worry rarely do I get colds in the winter but come summer/spring time its like I have a permanent cold! Only its not a cold! A blasted curse it is! Time to up the drugs...

On another note, I am totally loving Adele...but more specifically I am loving THIS cover of Rolling in the deep done by Jake Coco and Tiffany Alvord.

Unexpected

Sometimes I run. But most times it's just because I want to see if someone cares enough to follow. Rarely is it the case that someone follows, so I find someone new. Until I run from the new man and the circle continues. Right now, I am trying to run, but this certain man is making it very difficult and won't let me go...

:(

Do you ever just wanna curl up in a ball in bed and never leave? Well today I feel that way....

Choices?

"Choose your love, and love your choice."

-Thomas S. Monson

"These experiences were meant to make your heart bigger so you can love the right person at the right time."
Both of these quotes have gotten me through quite a bit in the last little bit. I have finally realized what the purpose of all the stupid men I have dated is; to make my heart bigger, so when the right man does come along and I can love him fully and completely and give my whole heart to him. Also, the first quote from priesthood session means a lot to me. I mean you can decide you love a person but sometimes you can fall out of love, but really all it is, is a decision that you don't want to love that person anymore. I feel its something for us all to take to heart, to continue to love the person we have chosen no matter how hard life and our trials get.

Ha Ha. Even though I have decided to give up on the dating thing for awhile...until May 16th to be exact. This information will be great to help me along my way. When I eventually get on my way again. Which maybe I will never start dating again, that sounds like a better plan....

Mr. Suave

Sometimes music causes me to think... and there is one person Adele makes me think of when she sings Someone Like You, we will call him Mr. Suave. Although for a time I hoped Mr. Suave was the one, I realized he is not and will never be, so for now I will try to find someone like Mr. Suave only ten times better. Hopefully the new man will be a man who will love me and stay with me forever.

"Never mind, I'll find someone like you,

I wish nothing but the best for you, too,

Don't forget me, I beg

I remember you said,

'Sometimes it lasts in love,

But sometimes it hurts instead.'"

Mr. Suave I beg that you don't forget me, but I fear that you already have. I have been replaced with someone prettier and skinner, most likely younger as well. I pity our "love" didn't last, for I was the only one hurt. I meant nothing to you, and in turn you will never know how much you meant to me, nor how happy I could have made your life. But I will chalk it up as another lesson learned, but I still just wish it could have been me....

Laughter

I have the best friend in the whole entire world. What other man would show up unannounced, knowing I am sick and hassle me until I...
A) peed my pants
B) laughed so hard my throat hurts
C) threatened death if he ever scared me again
D) felt completely better without any medication, except laughter
E) made me run around outside with only socks on having a snow ball fight at 2 in the morning
and finally F) accept me for looking a nasty mess and not being embarrassed to take me into public. Sometimes life works out beautifully, and I am ever so happy to be a part of it when it does, because being sick for two days is anything but beautiful.

So I stay up till 3 listening to music?!

ok ok I am blog happy today. I fell in love with this song today by Boyce Avenue. I feel like it is exactly my life. No, not about my father, for he is amazing, but of every man I have dated.

Yes. This is a soapbox I am standing on.

"I don't deserve a girl like you."
"you really deserve someone better than me."
"Your too amazing, I don't deserve you"
Yes this kind of goes along with my last post. But I am PEEVED! PEEVED I tell you! I am so sick of every man I date telling me this!
Well I finally asked a certain man, why every man says this to me, his reply "cuz your a catch." "How am I a catch if no man thinks he is good enough to date me?!" then came the response...."well I would like to try." I suppose this is better than nothing, at least the man is stepping up to bat instead of sitting the whole game on the bench!

Also, I feel this is a very interesting and profound article. But as much as the conference talks directed toward men to man up and date, this article is only directed towards select girls. Yes, both men and women need to step up and change their ways to fix this dating dilemma we are seeming to have. But I am not one of those girls who is turning men down and making their lives hard cuz I never invited them to things. In fact, I do exactly the opposite, and once I find a man who actually fits the men the article talks about. it would be wonderful. I feel that people are using far too much generalization, and the articles being written about girls are only about a few stupid girls who ruin everything for the rest of us! And yes the talks in conference were directed at men, but any righteous girl is going to know that it takes two and obviously if she wants to get married and have an amazing husband she has to do her part too. It takes two for everything to work. So maybe men, you should get off your high horses and realize those talks were spoke to help you learn some humility. There was a reason they didn't have to condemn the women for our dating ways, because we don't need to be told straight to our face "women you need to change and get out and date men." But obviously the men still have not gotten the picture after being told straight out. But yet, every girl I know that heard those talks is trying to change and become better, heeding the prophets and apostles words. Yes I am still very PEEVED. When did men stop being men? More often then not its the men who carry around drama and issues and act like women! There was a reason God made women different from men, because there would be no civilization if all men acted as emotional and ridiculous as women do! MAN UP! The reason girls turn you down for dates is your a sissy. No girl in her right mind will date a man who acts more like a woman than herself. We could just date girls if we wanted all that crap! So men...STAND UP, PUT THE VIDEO GAME CONTROLLER DOWN, DRY YOUR TEARS, CHANGE OUT OF YOUR V NECK SHIRTS AND GIRL JEANS AND LEARN HOW TO BE MEN AGAIN!

OH PLEASE!

" You are a very special girl and I am sorry that I took advantage of that, and hurt you."
Lately all I hear from men is how sorry they are for being dirt bags, and how amazing and special I am. Well if I am so amazing and special how come men treat me like crap?! How come I have not found a nice man to spend eternity with? oh yeah, Tony reminds me everyday. Its that I am only attracted to jerks! But how is that? I cannot tell the difference between a good guy and a jerk. I just wanna find a nice man! Is that so much to ask?!

I want to see this...

I want to see this so bad! It looks so good! I love how cute Resse Witherspoon looks! :)

Water for Elephants

sorry...I can't figure out how to upload a youtube video directly to blogger...